Two Sons
Today, the 26th Sunday of Ordinary Time, we have the parable of two sons, so I want to say something to those who are parents.
When children are very small, things are simple. Difficult, but simple. We parents make mistakes. We are gentle when we should be stern, and stern when we should be gentle. The kids are mostly just along for the ride. You can’t mess up being a child – you are just a child. A child makes messes. A child speaks inappropriately. A child has tantrums and rebellions and stages. Those are all just part of growing.
When children get a little older, they begin to make mistakes of their own. They begin to sin. They become complicated.
When they become complicated, we are often sincerely concerned for our children. We want them to be happy, healthy, and holy. It is easy to be filled with worry and fear. We worry they’ll ruin their lives. We fear they’ll leave the faith, abandon God, and spend a long time in purgatory… or worse. We don’t know when we should speak, and when to be silent. We are sometimes tempted to despair, as we look at the mess they’re in, and don’t see a way out. We don’t know what to do.
We, the parents, also continue to make mistakes. Sometimes our concern is not for our children at all. Sometimes our concern is that their bad behavior will reflect poorly upon our family, or upon us. Sometimes we are motivated not by compassion, but by selfishness. Sometimes we speak rashly, or harshly. Sometimes we say nothing, when we should have spoken.
But, there is encouragement in Christ.
First, we have every reason for hope, and not to despair. As Ezekiel tells us, if we, or our children, turn away from wickedness to do what is right and just, then God will be kind and merciful. In the verses following what we heard today, God reminds us that God finds no pleasure in our death, and invites us to turn back, and live. We see this in the Gospel, too. The son who rejected his father’s will eventually changed his mind.
So, as Padre Pio says, we have every reason to pray, hope, and not worry. We can place our children in God’s hands, and trust that there is no better place for our children. There is nothing better we can do, although it is very difficult.
And what about us?
First, we can relax a little bit. It is complicated, but it is not so very complicated. Saint Catherine of Siena wrote that it is not our time or our effort or our results that are judged and rewarded, but our love. This is part of the solace in love that Paul wrote about to the Philipians. If we act out of true love, then we have acted rightly. Are we wrong sometimes? Yes, but if we are wrong out of love, then we still acted rightly. None of us are perfect. We do not have perfect understanding, nor do we have a perfect will. We are flawed. Remember, although we have adult responsibilities, and are called to be parents, we are children of God. We will make messes. We will speak inappropriately. We will make mistakes. We will have tantrums, rebellions, and stages. We are children of God. Those things are part of our growing.
Second, it is good for us to take Saint Paul’s advice, and make every effort to be full of compassion and mercy, to do nothing out of selfishness or pride, but humbly look out for the interests of others, especially our children. The father in today’s parable did not nag his sons, did he? He did not insist upon obedience. Most of the time, we should also not nag our older children. A forceful approach will usually only strengthen opposition. Can we learn to be gentle, and to place our trust in the Lord?
And, children. Your parents or guardians have never been responsible for you at this age before. They will be right more often than they are wrong, but they will make mistakes. Listen to them. Be merciful to them when they are wrong. You will make mistakes, too. You don’t have to hold on to your mistakes. You can change. Growing wise means learning to let go of mistakes, and holding on to the things that are good and right.
